Leaked White House Tapes
ROVE: OK everybody, let’s get started. We need to come up with a message for the third night of our convention.
CHENEY: I say we go negative. Shock and awe.
ROVE: Come on, Dick. You know that won’t play with the soccer moms.
CHENEY: Psssh, soccer moms. I’ll eat their brains.
ROVE: What did I say about the brain-eating?!
CARD: If only we could hire speakers without being responsible for what they said.
ROVE: I don’t think that’s possible when it’s your convention.
CARD: But they could say all kinds of crazy stuff, and if it played well, we’d run with it, but if it backfired, we could wash our hands of it.
BUSH: I’ve got an idea.
CHENEY: Junior, is this like the time you tried to drill a whole through your head?
BUSH: That woulda worked if you hadn’t stopped me. I say we get a DEMOCRAT to speak!
CHENEY: Did the batteries run out on your Game Boy again?
BUSH: Yeah, but that ain’t my point. We gotta get a Democrat to talk all crazy, and if people don’t like it, we can be like, “Those Democrats are wacko!” Hey, whatever happened to that screaming Dean guy from up in Vermont?
ROVE: He lost.
BUSH: So I won?
ROVE: No.
BUSH: Shit.
CHENEY: George, we all agree it’d be nice to get a Democrat to speak at our convention and say all kinds of crazy stuff like when FDR said “all private plans, all private lives, have been in a sense repealed by an overriding public danger.”
ROVE: But it’s just not possible.
[phone rings]
BUSH: White House, George speaking. Zell! What’s crackin’, baby?