The crimes of Steve Garvey
From Wiki Gonzalez
Q. What exactly are the crimes of Steve Garvey?
A. Among his many other atrocities, the embodiment of all that is evil has allegedly done the following:
- He cheated on his wife. Repeatedly.
- He held himself up as a pure goody two-shoes while being anything but in real life.
- He was on the grassy knoll in Dallas with a gun the day JFK got shot.
- He let William Shatner direct.
- He's the big man in charge of the illegal transportation of mimes.
- He told General Lee that Pickett's Charge was a sound idea.
- In the 1970s, he went bowling with Idi Amin and Pol Pot every Thursday night.
- He likes mimes.
- He's bought shoes for Imelda Marcos.
- He introduced Ryne Sandberg to his first wife.
- He rides around town punching out midgets yet refuses to touch David Samson.
- He owns an SUV.
- He's been fined $10 million by the federal government for making false claims about products he was endorsing on late night TV
- He has farty pants.
- He hit a home run off of Lee Smith.
- His clone was Ted McGinley.
- He took the bomp from the bomp-she-bomp and took the ram from the ramalamadingdong.
- He gave tips on hunting to Dick Cheney.
- He was the brains behind the formation of the Spice Girls.
- When TVerik was in college, Garvey broke into his college dorm, and stole his roommate's Commodore 64.
- He broke into Dan Werr's car.
- He used to attend political rallies with Eric Show.
- He's kicked bunnies.
- He's drowned puppies.
- He once fucked his friend's girl and kicked his dog, and that was bad enough. Then he fucked his dog and kicked his girl.
- He's repeatedly spammed this Wiki.
- He once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
- On another occasion, he shot a man just for snoring too loud.
- He's repeatedly prevented the Trix rabbit from eating his favorite cereal.
- He helped Elisabeth Rohm get hired on Law and Order.
- He trained Jon Daly on how to properly operate a computer.
- He murdered Laura Palmer.
- As a consultant with the Elias Sports Bureau, he's helped them set up their guidelines on information availability.
- He regularly goes golfing with Dale Petroskey.