The Polish Sausage Racer

From Wiki Gonzalez

A cranky Brewers and sometimes Cubs fan who took his handle from the Sausage Race. He prefers the Polish sausage, even though he himself is not Polish, since it is the tastiest of the four.

The one piece of good advice he received from his father was this: "Always go for the Polish women. They have huge titties." Words to live by, indeed.